Monday, September 17, 2012

Teen Angst that never goes away

I have never been accused of being what one would call a "social-butterfly". I had a close group of friends in high school and I did not branch outside of it much. In college I was friends with my coworkers and two of my dorm mates. I guess I'm what you would call a hermit. A loner. Anti-social. I married someone who is the same. So we don't get out much. Putting myself into large group settings is extremely uncomfortable for me.

Last week, we received an invitation from the parent's club at Makayla's preschool for an ice cream social. I accepted because I knew Makayla would be disappointed if we didn't go. I was dreading it all week. The only parent I met was in passing as Makayla was going in for her assessment. He's pretty much a tool. They were getting ready to go and his son said "I can count in Spanish too!" and proceeded to do so. When he finished the dad said "Oh he can count in Chinese as well". Jesus, just get the fuck out, you're already over your time and running into mine. I have to get back to work after this! So the thought of large groups of people like Mr. Overachiever made me nauseous. So we went to the ice cream social yesterday and Jeff and I hung out on the fringes while Makayla played with all of her friends on the playground equipment. For some reason, she IS a little social butterfly- unlike either of her parents. Finally, I edged my way toward the pavilion where the ice cream was, using Makayla like a shield. We ended up having a short conversation with the leader of the parents club, she seemed nice enough- but really I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was irrationally mad at all of the pregnant women (there were several) and the mom's with their new babies.  After we made our escape and got home, there was another invitation waiting in my inbox for an apple picking excursion. Ugh. And wouldn't you know, Makayla has been saying we should go apple picking for like two weeks now. As if picking, grinding and pressing 125 lbs of our own apples wasn't enough....

So I feel like I should be over this anxiety. I'm a grown ass woman but it seems to be getting worse, which is the opposite of good. If I degrade much further I'll be a recluse before Makayla gets out of high school.