A Scary Story by Makayla

I just got done giving Makayla her bath tonight and she decided to tell me a scary story while I was brushing out her hair.

Once apon a time, a little girl and her mommy decided to go for a walk in the woods. They started a fire and they were roasting smores. And this is where is gets scary, Mommy. They saw a COYOTE and he said awooooooo! And then he saw the little girl and her mommy and he got so scared he ran away. The little girl and her mommy went home and went to bed. 

(For anyone who doesn't know- Makayla is almost 4) I asked her where she heard that story and she told me she just made it up right now. I said- Well that was a good story Makayla. She said "Oh and Mommy, the little girl in that story was me" Lol, ok sweetie. 

Skin Care Myths: Mineral Oil

Mineral Oil gets a bad rap. People claim that mineral oil is terrible for your skin, it coats it like plastic wrap, doesn't allow it to breathe, gives you cancer and worst of all it comes from petroleum. First of all, yes, it comes from petroleum but why is that so bad? Petroleum comes from the earth, that's pretty natural if you ask me. We get a hell of a lot of stuff from petroleum and most of it makes our lives better. Pure cosmetic grade mineral oil has no relationship to cancer. Mineral oil actually scores a 0 (out of 5) on the comedogenicity scale meaning it DOES NOT clog pores. It also scores a 0 (out of 5) on the irritancy scale. Compare this to a "natural" oil like coconut oil which scores a 4 for comedogenicity and a 1 for irritation. I'd much rather have a product made from mineral oil than from coconut oil. Mineral oil is an occlusive ingredient, meaning that it prevents trans epidermal water loss (TEWL in the biz). So basically, if you are preventing TEWL, you are moisturizing because you are keeping the moisture in your skin where it belongs. Mineral oil is cheap and it has an amazingly long shelf life compared to most other oils. It's a great solvent for removing makeup and it is a great emollient. 

Probably the worst thing I can say about mineral oil in its pure form is that it feels greasy. However in a well formulated product, the greasiness will be mitigated by the other ingredients in the formula.

Skin Care Myths: If it's tingling, it's working

Last night, my husband spouted off one of the most common myths about skin care products. If a product is tingling or cooling, it means it's working. This truly couldn't be farther from the truth. Tingling/ cooling effects in washes, creams, balms etc come from menthol. Tingling is just your skin's response to irritation. Peppermint oil/ extract/ Menthol has antimicrobial properties but unfortunately is a known skin counter irritant. Counter-irritants are used to induce local inflammation for the purpose of relieving inflammation in deeper or adjacent tissues. In other words, they substitute one kind of inflammation for another, which is never good for skin. Irritation or inflammation, no matter what causes it or how it happens, impairs the skin’s immune and healing response. Although your skin may not show it or doesn't react in an irritated fashion, if you apply irritants to your skin the damage is still taking place and is ongoing, so it adds up over time. There is no good reason to put peppermint/ menthol in a skin care product. It's not helpful and it's damaging to your skin.

If you have a cat

This is a repost from a note I wrote quite a while ago on Facebook. Since notes are hard to find nowadays, I figured I would reshare it here because this information is too valuable. 

At some point in your cat's life it's going to pee on something. Whether it's because they got themselves locked in a closet, have some sort of infection, are stressed or are just doing it because they feel like being evil little shits- it's going to happen. Don't say "My cats never pee on anything!" because you'll jinx yourself and they'll do it just to prove you wrong. I know- I said it. In my opinion, there is nothing in the world that smells worse than cat urine. It is the most powerfully foul stench and it can be smelled damn near a mile away.

Last time I changed the litter box I didn't really have enough litter to fill it to the normal level. I figured it would be fine until I got to the store to get more then I forgot about it. Fast forward 6 days and the litter box was getting stinky. I still hadn't been to the store but I was planning on going in the morning. At 6AM I was awakened by the unmistakable stench of cat urine. After coming to my senses I also realized that my leg was wet. One of the little bastards peed in the middle of my bed while I was sleeping in it! I could have killed them both. After showering and stripping the bed and fuming the whole time I was at a loss for what to do about the mattress. So I threw the linens in the washer with a cup or so of vinegar and started searching the internet for the answer. Well I found plenty of articles for so called cat urine neutralizers like Urine Gone and Nature's Miracle but I have already tried those in the past with lackluster results and there was no way I was going to sleep on a mattress with even the slightest smell of cat urine on it. I would get a new mattress first. Then I happened on an article claiming to get cat urine smell out anything  using vinegar, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and a little dish soap. Well I had all of those thing so I set to work somewhat skeptically.

OMG it worked. It's amazing. There is NO smell. NONE. I am so happy. I am really shocked that it eliminated a lake sized urine stain and smell with one treatment and probably about 5 bucks in materials. So I felt I should share this little miracle with everyone because no one should have to live with the smell of cat urine.

Step 1:

 Yell, curse and fume about the little bastard who has ruined yet another item of yours. This is why we can't have nice things. It'll make you feel better. Punishing cats is generally ineffective because when the little shits get pissed at you they tend to piss on more things to get back at you. They own you after all.

Step 2:

 If the area is still wet blot up as much of the urine as you can with paper towels.

Step 3:

 Make a 50/50 dilution of vinegar and saturate the stain and a good way around it with it. If the urine is on carpet a really small spot on the surface will spread out a whole lot underneath and you need to get it all to eliminate the smell.

Step 4:

 Blot up as much of the vinegar solution as possible.

Step 5:

 Spread a good amount of baking soda over the whole area. Allow to sit for 15 minutes while you continue to curse the cat.

Step 6:

 Mix 1/4 cup of Hydrogen Peroxide with a teaspoon of dish soap (scale up if your area is large) and drizzle it over the baking soda on the stain. Work in in with your fingers (rubber gloves if desired) or a brush.

Step 7:

 Blot up as much of the liquid as possible then allow to dry completely. (I used a hair dryer to speed the drying process as I would like to sleep tonight)

Step 8:

 Vacuum thoroughly to get rid of the baking soda.

That's it. Smell gone. Miracle.

Also, an update- most cats will remark something if it smells like their urine. Well it's been almost 2 years now and it has not happened again so I can only assume they can't smell it anymore either. 

This is why we let the doctors do the diagnoses

So I finally went to a doctor this week about my ongoing female issues. I lost 12 lbs, had a normal cycle then bled constantly for a month. When we went over my history and current condition, she immediately gave me the preliminary diagnosis of PCOS. I was not surprised obviously. So she sent me to the vampires to run blood tests for all kinds of hormone levels and scheduled me for an ultrasound to check everything out. She said that if everything came back as expected, I could start Clomid (a fertility drug) in about two weeks.

I went in for the ultrasound yesterday and she let me know that the hormone panels all came back as expected, indicating PCOS. When they started the ultrasound, they showed me all of the little cysts in my ovaries. When they got to the left Fallopian tube however, they found it to enlarged with some type of debris in it. They immediately suspected an ectopic pregnancy, even though I told them it was next to impossible for me to pregnant. Well the pregnancy test was negative but now that just means they don't know why my tube is blocked and swollen. It could be endometriosis or a cysts dislodged from my ovary or it who knows. So now I have to have a laparoscopy to find out what's doing and hopefully fix it. I've never had any type of surgery and I am a bit nervous about what they will find. I hope it is something easily corrected.

I'm glad that she did all of these tests before I started Clomid, since having an enlarged Fallopian tube increases the risk of an ectopic pregnancy. She seems optimistic about us having more children once we figure out what's going on with my lady bits and for once I have a doctor who is listening to me and actually DOING something about it.

Teen Angst that never goes away

I have never been accused of being what one would call a "social-butterfly". I had a close group of friends in high school and I did not branch outside of it much. In college I was friends with my coworkers and two of my dorm mates. I guess I'm what you would call a hermit. A loner. Anti-social. I married someone who is the same. So we don't get out much. Putting myself into large group settings is extremely uncomfortable for me.

Last week, we received an invitation from the parent's club at Makayla's preschool for an ice cream social. I accepted because I knew Makayla would be disappointed if we didn't go. I was dreading it all week. The only parent I met was in passing as Makayla was going in for her assessment. He's pretty much a tool. They were getting ready to go and his son said "I can count in Spanish too!" and proceeded to do so. When he finished the dad said "Oh he can count in Chinese as well". Jesus, just get the fuck out, you're already over your time and running into mine. I have to get back to work after this! So the thought of large groups of people like Mr. Overachiever made me nauseous. So we went to the ice cream social yesterday and Jeff and I hung out on the fringes while Makayla played with all of her friends on the playground equipment. For some reason, she IS a little social butterfly- unlike either of her parents. Finally, I edged my way toward the pavilion where the ice cream was, using Makayla like a shield. We ended up having a short conversation with the leader of the parents club, she seemed nice enough- but really I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was irrationally mad at all of the pregnant women (there were several) and the mom's with their new babies.  After we made our escape and got home, there was another invitation waiting in my inbox for an apple picking excursion. Ugh. And wouldn't you know, Makayla has been saying we should go apple picking for like two weeks now. As if picking, grinding and pressing 125 lbs of our own apples wasn't enough....

So I feel like I should be over this anxiety. I'm a grown ass woman but it seems to be getting worse, which is the opposite of good. If I degrade much further I'll be a recluse before Makayla gets out of high school.

Emma Rothgery in Memoriam

Today, the Chronicle Telegram runs my Grandma's obituary. It says what all obituaries say, a list of those who died before her and her relatives still living. A brief summary of her life. How can you squeeze 87 years into a paragraph on the obits page? Today I want to write my memories of life with my Grandma so I don't forget.

I don't know a lot about Grandma's childhood. I know she was born in Walhonding, OH but she always just called it "down home". She moved to Elyria when she was in high school. She met my grandpa and they were married here and honeymooned on Mackinac Island. They lived in Elyria their whole life together. Grandma stayed home with my uncle Rick and my mom until Mom was in the 7th grade. After that she worked at Harshaw Chemical (BASF today) as a secretary for 28 years.

My memories of Grandma begin when I was about 5ish. We all went to Grandma and Grandpa's house every Sunday for dinner. Great Grandma lived there too. Grandma always cooked too much food and we always had massive "Grandma sized" pieces of whatever delicious dessert she had cooked that week. Almost every week, she would tell my dad- "Now Jeff, you'll like this one- it's not too sweet". She had cable TV and we would lay there and watch Nickelodeon (we didn't have dish at home until I was in middle school) and Grandma would offer us more snacks and candy all evening. She spoiled us rotten and we loved it. Sometimes Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, Rick and Linda would play cards in the evening, usually Rook. Grandma had an obvious way of signaling her partner that she had good cards, usually an exaggerated wink.

We loved to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's when we were kids. One night, Sarah and I were supposed to be sleeping in the "red room" which had wallpaper that we weren't allowed to touch. We were playing around and talking and Grandma came up and told us to get to sleep. I think Sarah accidentally touched the wall with her foot and Grandma yelled "Don't touch the wall!" Well Sarah, being the little shit, took her pinky finger and touched the wall and said "Touch!" Grandma came into the room smacking with a flyswatter, but Sarah and I were hiding under the covers and we couldn't feel a thing.

In the winter, we used to go ice skating down at North Park and when we were done we would run back to Grandma's for hot chocolate and snacks. We always trick or treated at Grandma's house because our area was too rural at the time to go in our neighborhood.

Christmas Eve was always spent at Grandma's house. She was Catholic and as such we had a traditional Holy Supper consisting of split pea soup, fried fish, bobalki, scrambled eggs with mushrooms, smashed lima beans and prunes (named "Poop" by my cousin when he was a toddler). Before the meal, we passed the oplatki and said a prayer. When I was small, I told Grandma I couldn't have the oplatki. Grandma took it to mean that I thought I couldn't have it because we were Presbyterian, not Catholic and she said "Oh sure you can, Honey!" I said "But Grandma, I'm not allowed to eat Styrofoam!" After dinner we opened all of our presents from Grandma and Grandpa and then Mom and Dad went to the candlelight service at church and we went to sleep until they got back and took us home. It wasn't until much later that I learned they actually went home after the service and did all the Santa gifts so they would be there waiting we we got home.

Grandpa got sick when I was about 10. He had a brain tumor removed that came back pretty quick. He went to hospice, but didn't die. He came home and Grandma cared for him until the day he died. Grandma always took care of everyone.

A couple years later, Grandma needed a heart valve replacement. After the surgery, she suffered a severe stroke and came close to death herself. Slowly but surely, she recovered. She moved to a nursing home for about a year and a half. Her mind had been affected at first but she quickly regained her faculties. She learned to walk again, never perfectly but she only used a cane until the last two years of her life when she switched to a walker. While she was in the nursing home, we went to visit her at least every other day. I did her nails so she could be fashionable. I used colors like lime green, orange, yellow and purple. Grandma was the hippest lady in the home. When I was about 14, Grandma moved in with us.

It wasn't always easy, Grandma was a hoarder all her life. Likely left over habits sprung from living through the Great Depression. She would frequently tell us, "One day when you don't have, you'll be sorry." When she lived with Grandpa, she hoarded non perishable food items. With us, she took to saving articles from the paper for all of us, most of the time- you took them and then threw them out. When Sarah and I left for college, our friend Vanessa moved in with my parents as hers were being shitty. Grandma always loved Vanessa. Vanessa can talk for hours and Grandma always loved having some one stop to talk to her. Zach and Grandma also developed a special relationship. For all the trouble Zach caused as a teenager, he was always so patient with Grandma. When he moved away, he wrote to Grandma at least once a month, which is more than can be said for any of the rest of us.

When I told Grandma I was pregnant with Makayla, she was not exactly pleased I was having a baby before marriage but she loved Makayla and Makayla loved her. Grandma was able to attend my wedding and I was so thankful for that.

When we moved back home and I went back to work, Makayla spent her days with Mom and Grandma. Makayla first named my dad "Gaga" and for a long time couldn't figure out how to say grandma. Finally she decided Mom would be "GagaMama" and shortly after Grandma became "Great GagaMama". She later changed them to Gramma and Great Gama. Makayla's job was to go wake up Grandma for dinner. Grandma was notoriously difficult to wake because she gasped like you scared the crap out of her if you touched her lightly on the shoulder. She never did that for Makayla. So every day Makayla would go into Grandma's room and say "Great Gama, it's dinner!" and Grandma would get up and come in. I feel particularly bad for Makayla because she probably won't remember any of the things she did with Great Gama as she grows and she doesn't really understand why Great Gama is gone.

Grandma's final days were spent in the ICU, after all she survived in her life, she died very quickly and nothing could be done to save her. When she took her last breath we were all there with her, just as she was there for us all of our lives.